Finding Love Part 1

Love, we all look for it and seek to define it. I want to know how my Papa defines it. What is love according to YHVH.

According to Interlinear Scripture Analyzer, the word love appears three hundred and eleven times in two hundred and eighty one verses. It first appears in Genesis 27:4 when Issac is talking about meat. Now if Issac was the first person to have a documented account of using the word love, that would imply that neither Adam and Abraham used the word. While that is much easier to believe with Adam, since he so easily turned on his Isha; I needed to go back to be sure.

The closest thing to love Adam showed Chavah was in Genesis 2:23 when he says “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Isha because she was taken out of Ish. For this reason man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife; and they will become one flesh (echad).”

Now, for some reason ready this piece of history and then how he so easily turns saying “the woman whom you gave to be with me.” He never appeared to truly treasure her. Here YHVH fashioned an Isha, the perfect help mate, something so precious and Adam didn’t cherish her. It kind of upsets me, but at the same time it makes me step back and wonder what YHVH has done for me that I haven’t cherished or taken as precious like I should.

Reading through Abraham and Sarah’s story again I was struck by a hard thought. When they enter Egypt Abram asks Sari to say that she is he sister, because he knows that they will see that she is beautiful and want to take her for themselves. She trusts in Abram so much that she agrees to say that she is his sister knowing that it would place her in a potential “danger”. Even when she is taken to the Pharaoh’s courts, she continues to trust in Abram’s judgment.

I honestly don’t think that at the point I am at in my life I would be able to obey my Ish so completely without question and have such unwavering trust in him. I know this, because there is a piece of me that still struggles to trust in Yashua and He has never changed. So, if I have difficulty trusting someone that is the embodiment of trustworthy, how can I trust someone who I know will be tested? So, if I can admit to myself that I don’t yet contain the capability to follow my Ish when he asks me to trust him, why in the world would I expect Papa to bring him into my life.

I can see piece by piece how much more I must focus and work on myself if I want to be anything more than a burden to the one that I was made for. I know that I have the ability to trust inside of me, that I will heal that I am a new creation and that all things are possible through Him who strengthens me. But, just because I know it intellectually does not force the change to happen instantly. Through prayer and perseverance though, I shall become the beacon of light I am made to be.

For those that seek shall find and to those who knock it is opened and those who ask receive. So, I will ask, knock and seek until I am the person I know that I can be. Until I can stand unwavering next to my Ish, because I can trust in him, because I trust fully in Yashua and know that He will be guiding both of us.

 

I find it just a little funny that as I search for the answers to what love is I am uncovering who I am and realizing who I want to be. Papa, hear me now and hear my heart’s cry. I want to be perfected. I need to undergo the transformation that will bring me to the higher calling I know you have set aside for me. I am yours Papa. Where I ran before and sought my own way, I am ready to listen and follow you unwavering.

 

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Crashing and Burning and Coming Back with Flames

“Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28

Recently, I have been sick; nothing serious, but a constant dragging that adds to the endless feeling of being tired. I finally heard my Papa calling to me: “Do I have to make you sick for you to rest.” So, I spent an entire day in bed “resting” and thinking that would make everything better. However, I was missing the big point; I was missing the type of rest I was supposed to be receiving. I just continued to grow more tired and the more tired I became the easier it became for the enemy to prey upon me.

I had allowed myself to grow completely blind to the stronghold the enemy was building on me. I was growing angry- really angry. I was angry at men, all men. I got so low I was ready to give up on love. Give up on ever finding anyone that would be everything I was looking for. I was so down I threw myself a nice big hate filled pity party. I kept thinking back to all the men who had done me wrong and all the pressure and chaos that was in the world.

I wanted to explode with all of the emotions raging inside of me. And then Matthew 11:28 rang through my ears and Papa calling out to me and asking me to rest. It wasn’t the physical rest that I needed (though I had been lacking that too), I needed to run to the one man that had proven himself trustworthy time after time; the only man that had never hurt me and only ever loved with a love so powerful it is hard to comprehend.

I had already been feeling the push to truly reveal what love was according to YHVH. This was just more of a reason to find the answers. I had been using the idea of “love” to beat myself up and ride myself to basically a breaking point. The spiritually conscious part of my brain knew that this wasn’t real love in the slightest.

After deciding to do this study, redefine myself to be focused solely on YHVH and Yashua, to light myself on fire for YHVH more than ever before, something hit me. That while I had been angry and moping about my Ish not being here and wondering where he is and what he is doing. That entire time how much was I dulling him? How much harder was I making it for him to stand? How long did he struggle while I was letting my flesh control me? The very thought sickened me. I made a decision then and there that I would do everything in my power to be the very best Son I could be so that I would not burden my Ish, but instead be the suitable helper to lift him up and empower him like I am supposed to.

So my quest for both of these starts with this study. Starts with finding out everything I can about YHVH’s love and how I can embody that love to share with those I encounter. So here goes. Here is to setting my soul on fire, for finding my voice once again, to becoming wholly YHVH’s with a heart for Yashua.

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