Let Your Light Shine Before Others

Are you a light to all in the house?

In Matthew, Yashua has a pretty clear opinion on how visible our light should be: “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” – 5:14-16

How many of us are actually holding true to this teaching and emanating the light of Yahweh to the world?

Back in December of 2013, I touched on this topic. However, that post was more focused on standing up for what was right in the face of unrighteousness. What I am trying to focus on now is living a life filled with light.

1 John 1:5 helps teach us what that entails: God is light. So letting our light shine before others, would be letting our God shine before others. God is also defined as Love in 1 John 4:8. So, letting our light shine before others, could also entail letting our love shine before others. For God is love just as he is light. Moreover, it is both together, for letting our love shine before others is to let our God shine before others.

This would pose another idea, if we are to take that shining our light is producing love as truth, then that would also mean that love would produce good works, for it is through others seeing the good works that they give glory to our Father in heaven.

That would suggest that love is not a feeling or emotion, but an action. An action with visible results. Can people see the works of your love? Or do you only “love” on the inside?

So, I ask again, are you a light to all in the house? Are you a beacon of love to everyone that sees you? Would the witnessing of your life cause the glorifying of God?

Or, have you taken on the likeness of the world, so that when others see you they just see the same world that they have always seen?

No one claims it to be easy and would create a “happy” life. Perhaps this is why directly before Yashua teaches this lesson, he blesses those who mourn, who are merciful, who are meek (humble), who hunger and thirst for righteousness, who are pure in heart, who are PERSECUTED. He blesses those who are persecuted, because he knows that following his teachings will bring persecution and this is supported in several other scriptures. He goes to the extreme of telling us to rejoice and be glad when others revile us and persecute us and utter all kinds of evil against us falsely on his account.

If you are actively shining your light on the world, persecution is sure to follow.

If you aren’t being persecuted on Yashua’s behalf. Maybe you should ask yourself, why not?

Struggling With Relationships, Wanting Advice

You can see my original thoughts here and I am going to expand upon them now, this time asking for advice.

So from the article, you can tell I am attempting to mend a broken relationship. I keep trying to reach out to the person, to be there for them, to do little kindness for them without wanting anything in return except perhaps less hate. I really don’t know what I have done to earn so much scorn from this person. What I did that wounded them so.

Whatever it was, I can’t go back and fix it. All I can do is focus on who I am now. That just isn’t working. I notice something is wrong, that they are mad at me and ask about it and they shut me out.

It is troubling how quickly they can become enraged with me and how difficult to near impossible it is to get forgiveness. Yet, I refuse to give up on our relationship. I refuse to throw in the towel and walk away.

I don’t want to give up, I just know that love has to find a way. I just need a fresh look, some new ideas on how to approach this. Any advice would be appreciated.

The Sun has Shone

I am happy. I can say that without any snippets attached. I am at peace with who I am, where I am at in my life, and where I see my life going. How long has it been since I have been able to say that? I have absolutely no idea.

It almost feels surreal to be happy; yet here I am confident. It feels marvelous.

My fiance and I have decided that instead of having a formal wedding, we are going to “elope” and runaway for a whirlwind honeymoon. I am not really sure if it counts as eloping considering we informed our family that we are planning to ditch the wedding. This way no one has to worry about spending hundreds of dollars to fly to the wedding and we don’t need to spend thousands of dollars on one night. We have decided to spend the money we would have used on a fantastical honeymoon.

Although I am not positive that calling what we have dreamed up merely a honeymoon delivers justice. The plan is as simple as it is extravagant: leave everything behind and tour the world for one year. Well, not quite the world, but a big enough chunk to satisfy my wanderlust. The main aspect of the trip will be backpacking across Europe.

I am simply a buzz with excitement. Simply the planning has a constant smile on my face. I know that now is the best time to see the world. My love’s job is growing worse and cutting hours, I have a steady income due to the settlement from my injury, we don’t have any children yet- nothing is holding us back.

On top of all of this, we are eating healthier and feeling better for it. At the end of the day, life is good.

Thank you Papa for giving me strength to walk through the storm and bringing me into the warmth of the sun.

Just a Passing Storm

I am engaged to the wonderful man that swept me off my feet and into a whirlwind of love. It is a strange sensation looking into the eyes of the man you want to spend the rest of your life with and knowing that he wants to do the same. We actually practice meditating together while gazing into the other’s eyes. Sometimes I feel as though I am falling in so deep that I am inside of him.

Yet…I am still struggling to be intimate. Well, intimate in the sense of physicality. When we first started dating we agreed that we wouldn’t lose ourselves to urges of passion until we were united in the covenant well known as marriage. For some reason, the fact that we are now engaged is weighing down on my feelings of inability to be physical. I am worried that I will not be able to be intimate…or maybe I am afraid of being able to.

It really doesn’t make sense to me. I just…blah. Perhaps that is not the real problem at all: just a convenient excuse.

The much more reasonable answer is the overwhelming feeling of uselessness I have been experiencing. Ever since my injury and loss of my career as an EMT Firefighter I have felt this weight on me. Not so long ago I received an e-mail reminding me to re-certify my EMT license. I can’t however. You have to be currently working or having been working within the past 6 months with special circumstances.

I don’t know why that frustrates me so badly. I knew that my career as an EMT and especially a Firefighter was over. I just am having trouble coping with that. Add on that my injury has been acting up causing me intense pain and brutally reminding me that my choices at what I can do for the rest of my life are severely limited.

I feel useless. I can’t do anything. I am trying to be happily engaged and simply plan my wedding. How can I though when the mounting cost of a wedding is burring me and I can’t do anything to help out. And I repeat, I feel useless.

But I know I can’t give up. I know there is a purpose: a reason. I have to rely upon my Ish and YHVH to pull me through. I know this is just a passing storm- I will come through stronger and better for withstanding it.

Finding Love Part 1

Love, we all look for it and seek to define it. I want to know how my Papa defines it. What is love according to YHVH.

According to Interlinear Scripture Analyzer, the word love appears three hundred and eleven times in two hundred and eighty one verses. It first appears in Genesis 27:4 when Issac is talking about meat. Now if Issac was the first person to have a documented account of using the word love, that would imply that neither Adam and Abraham used the word. While that is much easier to believe with Adam, since he so easily turned on his Isha; I needed to go back to be sure.

The closest thing to love Adam showed Chavah was in Genesis 2:23 when he says “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Isha because she was taken out of Ish. For this reason man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife; and they will become one flesh (echad).”

Now, for some reason ready this piece of history and then how he so easily turns saying “the woman whom you gave to be with me.” He never appeared to truly treasure her. Here YHVH fashioned an Isha, the perfect help mate, something so precious and Adam didn’t cherish her. It kind of upsets me, but at the same time it makes me step back and wonder what YHVH has done for me that I haven’t cherished or taken as precious like I should.

Reading through Abraham and Sarah’s story again I was struck by a hard thought. When they enter Egypt Abram asks Sari to say that she is he sister, because he knows that they will see that she is beautiful and want to take her for themselves. She trusts in Abram so much that she agrees to say that she is his sister knowing that it would place her in a potential “danger”. Even when she is taken to the Pharaoh’s courts, she continues to trust in Abram’s judgment.

I honestly don’t think that at the point I am at in my life I would be able to obey my Ish so completely without question and have such unwavering trust in him. I know this, because there is a piece of me that still struggles to trust in Yashua and He has never changed. So, if I have difficulty trusting someone that is the embodiment of trustworthy, how can I trust someone who I know will be tested? So, if I can admit to myself that I don’t yet contain the capability to follow my Ish when he asks me to trust him, why in the world would I expect Papa to bring him into my life.

I can see piece by piece how much more I must focus and work on myself if I want to be anything more than a burden to the one that I was made for. I know that I have the ability to trust inside of me, that I will heal that I am a new creation and that all things are possible through Him who strengthens me. But, just because I know it intellectually does not force the change to happen instantly. Through prayer and perseverance though, I shall become the beacon of light I am made to be.

For those that seek shall find and to those who knock it is opened and those who ask receive. So, I will ask, knock and seek until I am the person I know that I can be. Until I can stand unwavering next to my Ish, because I can trust in him, because I trust fully in Yashua and know that He will be guiding both of us.

 

I find it just a little funny that as I search for the answers to what love is I am uncovering who I am and realizing who I want to be. Papa, hear me now and hear my heart’s cry. I want to be perfected. I need to undergo the transformation that will bring me to the higher calling I know you have set aside for me. I am yours Papa. Where I ran before and sought my own way, I am ready to listen and follow you unwavering.

 

Creating Understanding of My Heart?

I am a saboteur, or a sabotage artist, of my own life: more specifically, my love life.

Whenever I find myself beginning to feel attracted to someone, no matter how small the attraction, I begin searching for reasons why that person would never work with me. The first and easiest reason is spiritual beliefs- if we don’t share similar beliefs then there really is no hope for a future together.

After that I move on to a wide variety of other reasons. Does he smoke? Does he cuss? Is he a liar? How does he feel about sex and intimacy? What are his friends like? What are his plans for his life? Is he a serial dater? Does he drink or use drugs? The list goes on.

I keep my eyes wide open for the first sign that it wouldn’t work. Doing so has very effectively kept me from becoming seriously interested in anyone. Sure, every once in awhile there is a person I like being around, but I’ll always have that flaw in my head, so, I am safe from developing any real feelings. It will never go past being friends. It’s a method, no matter how messed up, that always works.

Or at least, used to always work.

I am now finding myself becoming attracted to a guy I really don’t want to be attracted too and I can’t find anything wrong with him. It is scary and foreign, and happening way to fast. Why can’t I find a flaw? Why can’t my defenses be activated? Why am I letting him wriggle his way right to my heart without putting in any real effort?

I just wish he would stop saying things that make me want to open myself up completely to him. I don’t want to be hurt, but how do I protect myself when my emotions will not listen to me.

How is it even possible? Love doesn’t happen in an instant. It doesn’t hit you like a speeding train. You fall slowly in love with someone. Right? I don’t believe in first sight, that is simply lust…but then why since the moment I heard his voice all I want to do is talk to him, learn who he is, and investigate every inch of his inner being.

Listening to him explain something gives me this warm peaceful feeling. It isn’t like those crazy butterflies from high school; it is calm and nice, and definitely doesn’t make you want to throw up. It is kind of like your soul is being caressed in a soothing manner, as if someone was playing with your hair. And that my friends, is a very scary sensation.

I don’t know how it happened. I honestly can’t figure it out at all. It should be completely and utterly impossible to have these raging emotions after only a week. It can’t be real, can it? I don’t want to like him, because to like him this fast would be crazy. Maybe that is the answer: I am completely and utterly insane. There we go a logical answer. I mean I don’t even know him, so there is no possible way I could truly like him.

Yet…all the little parts of him that I have seen so far, I like a lot. Each time he reveals another little piece of himself I find that I like it a lot. Is that what falling in love is? Loving every little part of the person as they reveal it to you?

The thought that he wasn’t at all attracted to me reduced to a sobbing mess running to my best friend needing some form of advice to pull myself together.

And then just like that, he had me hooked again. I am fully aware that this could hurt, that in all honesty it could crush some small part of me, perhaps it could even make it near impossible to believe in romance for a long time. However, knowing all of this, I can’t stop myself. I have tried and tried again to reason myself out of these emotions, but no matter what I do my heart refuses to listen.

I don’t want to be falling in love with someone I barely know, I don’t want to be left heartbroken, I don’t want to lose control of my emotions, I don’t want to fall any deeper into these emotions, I don’t want it at all. Yet, as unreasonable, unimaginable, as all of this is, I simply cannot convince myself to stop.

So here is to jumping blindly into a body of water and not knowing if it is deep or shallow: if it will leave me paralyzed and in agony, or the ever small chance that it is deep and will be the greatest and most beautiful dive anyone has ever made before.

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