The Sun has Shone

I am happy. I can say that without any snippets attached. I am at peace with who I am, where I am at in my life, and where I see my life going. How long has it been since I have been able to say that? I have absolutely no idea.

It almost feels surreal to be happy; yet here I am confident. It feels marvelous.

My fiance and I have decided that instead of having a formal wedding, we are going to “elope” and runaway for a whirlwind honeymoon. I am not really sure if it counts as eloping considering we informed our family that we are planning to ditch the wedding. This way no one has to worry about spending hundreds of dollars to fly to the wedding and we don’t need to spend thousands of dollars on one night. We have decided to spend the money we would have used on a fantastical honeymoon.

Although I am not positive that calling what we have dreamed up merely a honeymoon delivers justice. The plan is as simple as it is extravagant: leave everything behind and tour the world for one year. Well, not quite the world, but a big enough chunk to satisfy my wanderlust. The main aspect of the trip will be backpacking across Europe.

I am simply a buzz with excitement. Simply the planning has a constant smile on my face. I know that now is the best time to see the world. My love’s job is growing worse and cutting hours, I have a steady income due to the settlement from my injury, we don’t have any children yet- nothing is holding us back.

On top of all of this, we are eating healthier and feeling better for it. At the end of the day, life is good.

Thank you Papa for giving me strength to walk through the storm and bringing me into the warmth of the sun.

Creating Self Improvement

I have come to a realization- I have been neglecting aspects of me. I end up so focused on one part of what makes up me that I forget about everything else. I can’t allow that to happen anymore. I need to grow as a whole, not just parts. I have decided the best way to do this is to set up goals for myself to achieve. Objectives that will keep me from becoming stagnate.

When water isn’t moving, the life inside it has trouble surviving. Life is the same way. There must be movement and growth in order for life to flourish. I want to flourish. I may be a simple little acorn, but I will become a mighty oak and nothing will stop me. I will stand tall and strong and be filled with life.

I am happy with who I am and where I am going. I am happy that I can see any weakness that dares to grab hold of me and make it strength to wield. I am happy that I am YHVH’s and that He is with me always. I am happy to be alive.

Yet…as I say this, there is something inside of me that is sad. Something that wants to scream and cry. I don’t know why. I’m not quite sure what it even is. I don’t know why it is there. I have a good life. I am loved by my Papa, what more could I possibly need? Why is there a part of me that hurts so badly? Why won’t it simply go away. I need for it to heal. I need to heal myself.

I will continue towards my goals and won’t let anything stop me. I will continue to improve myself and in doing so I will heal any hurt that may linger in my being. I will be the mighty oak. I will be a Son of YHVH. I will be strong. I will be whole. I refuse to allow any part of me to remain in pain, I will expose all weaknesses, all injuries, all the broken little pieces of me and my Papa, the almighty YHVH, will make me whole.

I am a vessel created by my Papa’s hands. And as it is said of great pottery, it must go through a strengthening process. It must be put through a kiln at severe heat for it to come out stronger. I will endure the kiln and become an even stronger vessel. I will not allow myself to wallow in any negativity. I will smile brightly at the prospect of becoming a stronger and stronger vessel for my Papa. I will never be crushed, I will never be destroyed, and no crack shall ever penetrate me. I will stand tall and resolute.

I will serve my Papa and smile brightly on the future.

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