I am Beautiful

Can you look in the mirror and say that you are beautiful?

 

I was re-reading my post here and felt the need to elaborate and clarify. I am at a point now where I know that I feel beautiful. I have no idea if anything has changed so that others perceive me this way, but something has changed within me. I can appreciate how beautiful I am from the tips of my fuzzy toes to every single hair that likes to frizz after being brushed- I am dazzling.

 

I smile when I catch my reflection in the mirror, because I like what I see. I love the fire that flickers in my eyes and the joy that twitches at my lips. When I gaze into the mirror I am not distracted by “flaws”, but empowered by the determination that cloaks my being.

 

I used to not be able to walk by a window front without looking in disgust at a blemish or a dreaded pimple that dared to rear its hideous head. I used to be petrified if I walked into the bathroom after being with company and realizing that my hair was a disheveled heap that had slowly escaped the binds of the elastic band that promised a prim and proper bun. I used to see ugly in myself every single time I looked, because I felt miserable and wretched at my core.

 

But I didn’t have to stay there! Yahweh showed me a light, a light that had always been there that I was too preoccupied to see; and in that light was a warming glow of love that can heal every wound you have ever suffered- and I started to heal.

 

I am still healing, but the thing is: I am in love with the healing. I don’t need the end result right now, I am so enamored by the shear adventure the journey to get there has to offer. Each day offers a new piece of the new me. Each day offers choices to embrace old broken habits or make new ones to be proud of. And even if I stumble and fall and scrap my knee and break my nose, I know that my Father will be standing there patiently and with love offering His hand to help me back up.

 

I refuse to give up or go back. I don’t care how many times I fall down, I will get back up and continue on this wonderful path I  never imagined having the pleasure to walk. Because I can see the beauty in God’s creations, I can see the beauty He put into making me.

 

I know that I am beautiful, because I was made in His likeness and Yahweh is the most beautiful thing to behold, even if all you can see is the after glow of His love.

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Genesis Reflection One

I started re-reading my bible today from the very beginning. At first I was just reading through knowing that out of all the books Genesis is the one I know best. But then I slowed down and started over and really focused on the words and everything I had studied on it before and it was beautiful.

The love story portrayed in those first few verses is simply priceless. YHVH takes this ugly, void, chaotic mass and sees something precious in it. So, He extends Himself over it and pushes His light into it. Before YHVH puts His Spirit on the mass it is complete darkness, but afterwards the darkness can be separated from the light. So, there is still darkness, but now there is light to see, feel, cherish, and take hold of.

YHVH doesn’t stop there, He also molds and shapes the mass constantly separating and binding up. After each thing He does He blesses the mass.

Then the truly marvelous part, He turns an ugly chaotic void into an Isha by giving her the power to create life. By giving her the ability to bear seed, He is accomplishing something remarkably beautiful.

Yashua will mirror this same scenario. He comes into a dark, desperate, dying, unrighteous world; yet, he still accepts it as his bride. He teaches and grooms showing how to grab hold of the light and depart from darkness. He reforms as he heals the sick, dying, and dead. Finally, he gives his life so that his bride can have life again by taking hold of his life.

To me the comparison really stands out, but I am struggling to put the concept into words. It’s just something that when it hits you it is wow. It made me step back and realize that I once was ugly, void of life, emotion, happiness, love, and chaotic. However, YHVH saw through as dark as my life was and saw something in me that no one else not even I could see. He wrapped Himself around me and introduced light into my life. Then piece by piece he remolded me by loosening all that was unrighteous and unholy and binding love, faith, and obedience. He placed a light in me that I can share through love to bring life into the world- a light so precious and worth more than any jewel. With that He is constantly blessing me and building me up even when I start to look ugly again, He brushed me up, pushes in deeper, and brings my light back full force.

I am an Isha, because my Papa, YHVH, has made me one. I am a bearer of life. I must keep that in the forefront of my mind, because if my light becomes dim it not only harms me, but everyone who then can’t see my light which is my Papa’s love in me.

Creating Understanding: Rosh Hashanah

Rosh Hashanah, the start of a new year. I have never really looked deeper into this holiday. Never really attempted to understand its significance or importance. I was told it was a day of reflection and repentance and took it as that. However, I decided accepting what others have told me will not satisfy me. So, I set out to find my own answers.

It is widely believed that on Rosh Hashanah YHVH opens the book of life and the book of death and that between then and Yom Kippur He decides whether or not your name will be written in the book. So it is in that time that people repent for all the sins that they have made and promise to be a better person. In the biblical times a sacrifice was to be made: “Speak onto the children of Israel, saying, in the seventh month, on the first day, ye shall have a Sabbath, a memorial of blowing trumpets, a holy convocation. Ye shall not do servile work: but ye shall make an offering made by fire onto Yahweh.” –Leviticus 23:24-25

So, people focused on the last part, and made a sacrifice. It was a tradition to wave the life offering over your head as a way to have it represent all of your sins and then you would sacrifice the animal and your sins would be washed away.

However, now we have Yashua, who has already made the ultimate sacrifice to wipe away our sins. Therefore, there is no need to sacrifice animals any more. For Yashua is our representative with the Father.  We can repent, shed our sins, and start a new life with YHVH at any time; we need not wait for Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur to be cleansed of our sins. You can choose to be a Son and walk as Yashua walked at any time.

Some believe that if you are really good between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur that your name will be written in the book of life and you are fine to do whatever you want the rest of the year until Rosh Hashanah comes back around. I do not believe this to be true. YHVH does not wish for people to revel in sin the whole year and only clean their act up for a few days out of fear and a twisted understanding of the word, only to fall back into their immorality.

We are to be cleaned and purified daily and walk in holiness constantly attaining for perfection. Walking closer and closer with YHVH and becoming more and more like Yashua. We should constantly be reflecting on who we are and where we are in our walk. It should be a natural thing to realize when we have strayed from the path and to eagerly come back running. It should be a constant journey- not just something done once a year.

With that part of the holiday out of the way, I turned my attention to other part of it: a memorial of trumpets and a meeting of holiness. What is this grand meeting and memorial for? After doing some research I realized that Rosh Hashanah is also celebrating the creation of the earth and the coronation of YHVH as King of the universe.

It is a day that we celebrate the crowning of the only true authority in existence.

I had never looked at it this way before. I had never really stopped to think that at some point everyman must choose to accept YHVH as their king or not. They must choose whether they will bend the knee and serve or if they will look for another master.

For me the choice is simple. I choose to accept YHVH as my only authority and almighty king. I choose to serve only one master with everything that is in me- mind, body, soul. I choose to celebrate joyfully that YHVH is a gracious and wonderful king to have.

I would like to share some words that helped to get me thinking: “On Rosh Hashanah, we devote two days to the search for the voice of authority we so deeply crave, for the king of the universe we have been seeking since our childhood. But don’t look for Him in the synagogue, in your prayerbook or in the rabbi’s speech. Look for Him in your deepest self: in the things that no one has to tell you, because you already know them absolutely; in the commitments to which you willingly submit, because you recognize them to be expressions of, rather than impositions upon, your true will.” By Yanki Tauber

So, yes, take the time to evaluate yourself and see if you like where you are. If you don’t, then change it. Check in on yourself often, sometimes life makes you think things that aren’t all that important are and you lose track of the good stuff. But also remember that there is a King waiting for you to decide to serve Him. Trust me; His authority is greater than anything this earth has to offer.

Now it is time to decide, how will you live this new year?

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